Hard

Things are hard right now.  Hard is okay sometimes.  Hard makes us appreciate those many times we have the opposite (which is still what I actually have even when I think I have it hard—I know this; I really do.)  I guess Hard’s counterpart spoils us a little, doesn’t it?  So, I’m here trying to handle Hard.  Trying to learn from Hard.  Trying to be patient with Hard.

When Moriah was born just over a year ago, I expected Hard in the beginning.  All new territory, so much to learn, the feeding issues . . . oh, those feeding issues!  Add in several other factors, and I knew Hard would be a close companion for a while.  But then Easy showed up for a very pleasant late summer/fall, and I kind of got used to that.  I mean, visiting with Easy was just wonderful!  I honestly wasn’t expecting Hard to return again, especially so soon, and I am surprised to have seen more of Hard in the past six months than the first six.

Although there have been countless blessings and I wouldn’t trade this new path for anything, this journey is worrisome at times (right now), it is beyond my control (try as I might!), it has been exhausting these last months (to put it mildly), and lately I cannot seem to navigate so well.

Hard.

But the God of my journey promises me that

 . . . for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28

All things, even the hard, or maybe especially the hard.  So I take a deep breath and remind myself that Hard is not my enemy . . . not even when she shows up unannounced, invites herself in and makes plans to stay indefinitely.

Hard is a blessing in disguise.  Hard forces me to look beyond the fallacy of “my own strength.”  Hard is working for my good, whether it seems like it or not.

Family Vacation Part VII: We’re Being Counted Again

I already mentioned that our family is used to a little staring at times because of our number (although, if you met some of our friends, you might not think our family is quite so large after all.)  We noticed this a lot on our trip, due to all eight of us being out in public all day every day, including “school hours.”

We would be at various places, and I would see folks a ways off looking in our direction.  Pretty soon, their heads would start to bob up and down as they counted 1, 2, 3, 4 . . .  I would tell the kids, “Don’t look now, but we’re being counted again.”

Once as we were waiting for the elevator at the hotel, a young couple who had been standing there first decided to take the stairs instead.  Whether they grew impatient waiting or the thought of being in a confined space with a bunch of kids made them nervous, I cannot say.

We had to laugh, though.  We all ended up in the parking lot at the same time and as our children piled in the van, we noticed that the couple was examining the family member decals on the back window.  Remember, we were not in our own van.  Our friends had generously loaned us theirs for the trip, and they have eight children (so far), and thus 10 decals.  We all just laughed afterward about how we had been counted again, or in this case miscounted.

Family Vacation Part VI: Cracker Barrel

Before embarking on our trip, I had loaded up the coolers with food, but being away from home for a whole week also involved a fair amount of eating out.

One evening, we decided on Cracker Barrel, and partway through our meal I noticed that our family was being observed.  As a larger-than-average size family, we are used to some of that anyway, but on this occasion I was extra cognizant of the repeating cycle of hushed whispers and glances our direction, which came from the table across the aisle.

After our meal as we got up to leave the table, the gentleman spoke to David and complimented him on our family and our children’s behavior specifically.  The wife asked how old Moriah was, and after a brief exchange about her age and size (Moriah’s, that is ), we began to move on—only to be called back again, at which point the gentleman said he wanted to pay for our meal, and he wouldn’t permit us to even leave the tip.  With a great big smile, he enthusiastically said, “God bless you!” and told us that it was all taken care of.

Wow.

We stood there stammering out gratitudes, completely flabbergasted that a stranger would do such a thing for a family of eight (okay, seven, because Moriah’s meal was free. )  We grinned the whole way back to the hotel (in fact, we’re still grinning,) while I kept wishing I had at least gotten the name of the generous Georgian who blessed us that night.

Family Vacation Part V: Chalcedon Presbyterian

Sunday was a wonderful day!  We had made plans to attend Chalcedon Presbyterian since we have been fans of Pastor Joe Morecraft for years, after having been introduced to his ministry through Vision Forum.  We were privileged to hear him speak in person at the Sufficiency of Scripture conference back in 2009, and his most memorable message at that time was on the regulative principle of worship, which provided many “aha” moments for our family.  What a thrill to our souls it was to hear him preach a similar sermon on Sunday and be reminded of all the good things we had heard from him prior.

I hope it’s not out of line for me to include this little funny from Joseph.  Before leaving on our vacation, we had discussed with the children most of the places we hoped to visit, including this Reformed Presbyterian church, which as such, has a handful of doctrinal differences from our own Reformed Baptist church.  One day, in reviewing some of these differences, Joseph piped up with true concern, “I hope no one tries to baptize Moriah there!” 

There was one difference we did not anticipate, however, so we had a little surprise during communion—a little bubbly surprise.  It was not a problem, just something that hadn’t been on our radar at all, so we had to chuckle afterwards.   I do appreciate the camaraderie of the Reformers of both persuasions, so I say this all in good humor!

We had opportunity to converse with Pastor Morecraft after service, and can I just interject how much it blesses me when someone who is in the public eye is also warm, friendly, and approachable?  He gave my sons his book With Liberty and Justice for All and also showed them his cast of the Oliver Cromwell death mask.  That might sound a little odd unless I also tell you that Pastor Morecraft is an admirer of Cromwell and his History of the Reformation series is how our family first learned of the older movie Cromwell, which has since become a favorite of my big boys.  Thus, it was a unique treat for them to see the cast.  Read more about the Cromwell death mask here.  

Keeping with southern (as well as church) hospitality, we were invited to stay for the fellowship lunch, which included a first for our family—-boiled peanuts.  No offense to y’all who love boiled peanuts, but we Yanks are used to our peanuts crunchy.

There is so much more I could say, but I’ll simply close by saying we all felt completely at home at Chalcedon and would love to visit again someday.

Family Vacation Part IV: Tennessee Aquarium

We have said for years that yes, it would be so much fun to visit the Tennessee Aquarium someday, but we didn’t really know if we ever would.

You see, back when my big boys were little boys, we discovered our library’s “Big Adventure” videos, a series of educational films made for kids, with titles such as The Big Zoo and The Big Submarine.  Our kids loved The Big Aquarium so much I ended up buying a copy on ebay.

Well, the Tennessee Aquarium IS the big aquarium.  It is also in Chattanooga, which is pretty much on the way to Georgia, so it was now or never.  Exciting!

We arrived in the middle of a torrential downpour, only to discover that the one umbrella we packed was broken.  Undeterred, we laughed as we donned our hats and jackets, threw a blanket over Moriah in the stroller, and sloshed through the parking lot (some of us in flip-flops), hardly believing we were finally here after all these years.

Fortunately, we had the foresight to purchase a family membership (cheaper than separate admission tickets for a family of our size) prior to leaving for our mega trip, so there was no long line to wait in while we dripped dry.  We headed straight to the member entrance and got right in.

The rain didn’t bother us, though.  It only increased the “adventure” of the moment.  Really.  See, you didn’t know I was actually an easygoing Type B in disguise all these years, did you?

Once inside, Moriah was ready to eat, so the rest of the family began the tour while I rounded the corner to look for a quiet place to nurse.  I could hardly believe my eyes when I was met with a sign that said “Nursing Moms’ Room.”  Truly!  For a minute, I thought I was at a homeschool convention or something.  The apostrophe was even in the right place, and I knew right away I was going to love the Tennessee Aquarium.

As we had learned so many years ago, the Tennessee Aquarium is the largest freshwater aquarium in the world, and there are massive tanks of creatures from the rivers of various countries.  As we moved through the displays, it was kind of interesting to see which creatures are common to which region of the world.

This also raised the question about whether it is “aquariums” or “aquaria.”  We definitely have our {conflicting} opinions on the subject in our family.  What do you think?  Of course, so as not to offend anyone, you can always cheat and just say “massive tanks” instead, like I did in the preceding paragraph.    Or go here to look it up.

How about this photo of Joseph “swimming” with piranha from the Amazon?  Yes, I’m pretty slick with my point-and-click camera, aren’t I?

The Tennessee Aquarium has expanded and is now housed in two buildings—a “river journey” and a “sea journey”.  We had wonderful visits at both.

How many seahorses can you find?

vibrantly-colored poison dart frogs

Children were encouraged to “pet” the sturgeon.

Mr. Alligator-Snapping Turtle. I wonder if it’s the SAME one as in our “Big Aquarium” video? How long do they live, anyway?

Jellies are always fun and relaxing to watch.

Whew! Good thing the kids are in the safety of the shark cage, because I see “Jaws” coming up behind them.

A Letter to Moriah on Her First Birthday

My Dearest Moriah,

This past year has flown by, and it is hard to believe that you are one year old already!  You may have noticed that I always say, “It’s hard to believe” when I talk about anyone’s birthday these days, but it really is hard to believe.  It has been an amazing year.  We have made so many memories together, and because of you, I have learned to see life in a whole new way.

I am remembering back to the very beginning.  My pregnancy with you was difficult in some ways, and I was so afraid I would lose you.  Early on, it felt so much like my pregnancies with your two siblings I lost to miscarriage, and I braced myself for the worst, expecting to relive that heartache yet again.  I remember going to the pregnancy center for an ultrasound and being asked if I had any concerns about you.  I did, of course.  I didn’t have morning sickness, and in the past that only ever meant one thing.  One awful, horrible thing.

But I gathered up my courage and tried to be strong as we started the scan.  I wanted to, yet dreaded to look up at the screen, as seeing an empty, lifeless sonogram is a heartwrenching experience.  But you were alive!  There you were, wiggling, and your little heart was beating strong!  As I watched you on the screen, I was overcome with emotion.  I felt my throat tighten as a lump formed, then my eyes brimmed with tears, and before I knew it I was bawling great big heaving, hyperventilating sobs right there on the exam table.

You might think my mind was completely relieved at that point.  I was thrilled to know that you were okay, but just because you were all right at that moment didn’t mean you would continue to be all right.  For various reasons, I still couldn’t quite shake the feeling that something was wrong or was going to go wrong.  It made it difficult to love you with wild abandon, and it was hard for me to feel close to you, fearing I might lose you.  Oh, how I hated that feeling, and I hate even remembering it now.  It wasn’t fair to you, but at the time I didn’t seem to be able to do anything about it.  It’s not like I worried every day that something was going to happen to you, but it was always there in the back of my mind, lingering.

The weeks wore on, we both grew larger, and another ultrasound showed you to be a healthy girl.  I had wanted a second ultrasound halfway through to make sure there was no reason I should not continue planning a long-desired home birth.  I was so happy when everything looked good.  I told Daddy that as long as I was finally going to have my “dream birth” (as far as I could plan it to be, anyway) that I was going to splurge and have a water birth too.

As it got closer to the time for you to be born, we were all so excited to meet you.  We had hoped that last ultrasound would have revealed if you were a little boy or little girl, but we just couldn’t tell for sure.  So it was going to be a very big surprise when you arrived!  Hannah and Elisabeth were earnestly hoping and praying for a baby sister.

Because all your brothers and sisters except Caleb were born later than their due date, I wasn’t too hopeful about you arriving anytime before May 18.  But imagine my surprise when I knew you were going to be born before that date.  We had out-of-town company spending the night, and that’s when my labor started.  It was crazy!  Just imagine how ecstatic your siblings were—the next day was Mother’s Day, dear friends were staying at the house, AND you were going to be born too!  That was almost more excitement than they could handle, and we will surely tell you all about it someday.

When you were born, it was one of the most precious moments of my life.  Not only did I finally get to have my dream birth . . . and it was truly a dream birth . . . but you, dearest one, were blessed by my dream birth as well.

When I held you in my arms and looked at your sweet face, I felt right away there was something extra special about you and began asking my midwife what she knew about Down syndrome.  Though my interactions with anyone with Down syndrome were practically nonexistent and I had never before seen a baby with Down syndrome, I was pretty certain that’s what you had.

Oh, Moriah, you can’t imagine my gratitude at having those moments with you at home.  Home sweet home.  Home . . . where we could cuddle you and love on you and thank God for delivering you safely to our arms.  All my worries during my pregnancy that something would go wrong . . .  those worries were strangely gone.  Because I honestly did not feel like anything did go wrong.  You had arrived, and you were okay.  You had Down syndrome, but you were okay!  God’s grace was abundant, Moriah, because He helped me to see you only as the precious blessing you are.

At that moment, I was grateful for our home birth for reasons entirely different from the ones that compelled to plan such a birth in the first place.  There was no hospital drama.  No lectures about my age, or how many children we already had, or why on earth I hadn’t I had an amnio.  No whispering behind my back, no pitying looks, no medical students coming in to stare at you, and no one telling me anything contrary to the fact that you are a precious child of God, formed by His hand and made in His image, a beautiful little person deserving of life and love . . . just like every baby.

It was all good, Moriah.  There was nothing but love.  And I was so. very. thankful.

Our faith in Jesus Christ is our rock, Moriah, and you will learn a lot more about that as you grow up.  I knew you were exactly who God planned you to be . . . exactly who.  And I know that His works will be displayed in you.  And even though your Down syndrome was a surprise to us, it wasn’t a surprise to God.  There is tremendous comfort in clinging to that truth, Moriah.  Because life is full of surprises and challenges.

Yes, I will tell you there were a few tears, but only a very few, and not even at first.  We didn’t know anything about Down syndrome and there was so much to learn, and it was scary to think of some of the difficulties you might have growing up.  Mommies and daddies don’t ever want their little ones to have to struggle, and that made me a little sad.

Besides being thankful you were born at home, there was one other blessing I was tremendously thankful for at the time, and still am—your brothers and sisters.  You know full well how much they all adore you, since you constantly seem to have somebody’s lips all over your face.  When you were first born, it was a comfort to my heart knowing that you had not only Mommy and Daddy here to love on you, but five big brothers and sisters too—five special people in your life who have been there for you since your birth and will continue to be there for you as you grow.

In those early days I said over and over again how much I was thankful for those two things.  And when I think back to the day you were born—one whole year ago—I am blessed all over again.  I love you, Moriah, and I can’t tell you how many times I have held you in my arms and had tears well up just because I have so much love for you that it overflows.

We have had some hard times too, though, haven’t we?  Mostly for me, I guess.  There is so much to figure out about how best to care for you and how to help you reach your full potential.  Nothing comes quite as easily for you as it did for your brothers and sisters, and we have to fight for each new milestone, don’t we?  It’s exhausting for both of us at times.  Many times.  Things are sometimes complicated, and often there are no easy answers . . . or even any answers.

But your smiles and giggles rejuvenate me, and I know that any sacrifice on my part is worth it.  Because YOU are worth it, my sweet, precious girl!  You have brought untold joy to our family.  You are my delight, and I am so thankful and blessed I get to be your mommy.  Today especially, we celebrate the awesome gift of your life.

With all my love,

Mommy

Family Vacation Part III: The Lost Sea Lake and Caverns

After entering Tennessee, we stopped at the Visitor Center and grabbed a handful of brochures to peruse.  We had hoped to find a cavern to visit, and one that wasn’t too far off our route.  Flipping through a travel catalog, I came across an ad for The Lost Sea Lake and Caverns, which sounded promising.

Elisabeth had been asking to visit a cave for the past few years, ever since David found Wilder Cave as a free download on Blue Behemoth one day.  Actually, I just now discovered that it is on You-Tube here if anyone is interested in seeing it.

In short, it is a film made by homeschoolers about their spelunking adventures.  We were not interested in that kind of caving, though—-the kind which involves rappelling down cliffs, slogging through mud and squeezing through the tightest of openings; nonetheless, the Bluedorns sparked an interest, and we all agreed we would have to visit a cave someday, provided it was the kind you could walk through upright.

Imagine our delight as I continued reading and learned that not only could we have a 3/4 mile walking tour of the caverns but also a glass-bottom boat ride on “The Lost Sea” which was at the lowermost portion of the cave.  It is a 4-acre lake, which happens to be America’s largest underground lake as well.

It was pretty exciting, and our dry-humored tour guide Colin made the tour extra enjoyable.  We saw stalactites, stalagmites, anthodites and various crystals.  The “rooms” in the caverns are absolutely massive, and I guarantee you won’t feel one bit claustrophobic should you decide to visit (unless you sign up for their Wild Cave tour.)  There is even plenty of space to steer a stroller through, but be prepared for an intense workout, both downhill and back up.  I will also warn you that your 5-year-old’s legs will surely tire, and you’ll need to carry her uphill on the second half of the tour if you ever hope to again see the light of day.

Our vacation was turning into a grand adventure!

Family Vacation Part II: Creation Museum

Rather than drive straight to Georgia, we planned to break up the trip into manageable chunks to allow ample time for nursing/eating/potty breaks and visiting attractions along the way.  Our first stop was the Creation Museum, a family favorite near Cincinnati.  Click here to read all about one of our past “field trips” and see plenty of pictures of this awesome museum.

We only had a few hours to spend during this visit, and the most popular attraction for us was the Lucy exhibit, a stunning display utilizing holographic technology.  This revered “missing link” is demonstrated to not be quite the lady many seem to think she is, and I highly recommend this Answers in Genesis article if you would like to read more about this. 

In the new museum exhibit, a number of Lucy heads have been created, cast from the same mold. Each head, however, is given different skin and eye coloration, as well as variations in the amount and color of hair. This was done to demonstrate how significant artistic license can be employed by researchers in interpreting what Lucy resembled as they “put flesh to the bones” of the creature. There simply isn’t enough information found in the fossil bones for anyone to determine what Lucy looked like.

The kids had fun aligning themselves with the “Lucy heads,” making for some unique reflections, as you can see.

Scary, huh?

Elisabeth had also been hoping for a camel ride this trip since she’s a little older and less intimidated, but Mr. Camel was not giving rides on the day we visited, and we ended up not having time for the museum’s petting zoo at all.  She had to settle for a perch atop the ever-popular triceratops instead.

There is a lot to see here, folks—all state of the art.  As always, I highly recommend a visit.  No matter which side of the debate you’re on, you’ll come away with a lot to think about.

Family Vacation Part I: Georgia or Bust

Last night our family returned from a memorable vacation to Georgia.  We have never been big on vacations, preferring to invest in more necessary items like groceries for bottomless pits hungry boys, but this mega field trip was borne from a long-distance appointment for Moriah that turned into something more, much to everyone’s great satisfaction.

I told the kids they can be grateful for their little sister (as if they need one more reason) because, apart from her, our wonderful family vacation would not have happened.

As we finalized our plans, dear friends graciously offered the use of their much larger van for the trip, rescuing us from the stifling fate of hour upon hour of driving time with eight people and a week’s worth of stuff crammed into a minivan.  Nothing says love like that, folks.

The children, especially, were delighted at all the increased leg and elbow room and were certain that such spacious accommodations would eliminate any and all bickering in the backseats.  I’ll confess that part did not go quite according to plan, but I am certain it was a tremendous improvement over what could have been.

Thank you, Alexanders, for your sanity-saving generosity!

It was a wonderful getaway, but it’s good to be back.  On the way home, I was busy cranking out drafts of blog posts, so stay tuned for more vacation highlights.  Okay, back to the massive laundry pile.

Lilla Rose Giveaway and Specials!

It’s giveaway time again!  Laurie at Common Sense Homesteading is hosting, so head on over, get your entries in, and have a chance at making your hair very, very happy!  The winner will receive two Lilla Rose pretties!

Now through Friday, I am also offering a buy-3-get-1-free special . . . email me to find out how!  My online store is always open.

If that’s not exciting enough, the wildly popular Rosey Heart is making a comeback, and the May flexi-of-the-month will also be released early to allow delivery well in advance of Mother’s Day.  Both of these styles will be priced 10% off this Friday, April 26 only, 12 a.m. – midnight PST!

Like my FB page so you don’t miss any of the fun . . .

https://www.facebook.com/LillaRose.JillWright